First of all James, Naz, Karl, Jake, Yousef brilliant well done on your stripes and Rob fantastic stuff a well deserved purple belt, you are a machine mate, well done all.
Well I wrote a week or so ago about how I had conquered the fear which I knew was holding my game back and hey presto that was it all sorted all good onwards and upwards.
It would seem around 10 days later this is not the case and for some reason my crisis of confidence is worse than ever. Yeah the poorly elbow and my lame foot have not helped but I just feel like every time I roll I am going to get beaten and I am not sure why.
It starts as we approach on knees, I am admittedly worried about going over my foot again but even for the time before that it seems that no matter the size and weight advantage I have I end up getting steamrolled and knocked to my back/side where I have to work back or often not manage too.
From that point on it just seems to go downhill and I will end up tapping to something I would have got out of a few months ago or just defending to a draw. So it seems the resurgence that I hoped to have had has not actually come to fruition and I am not sure why.
One of my issues is that I do not feel like I have the attacks that many others seem to have or that I am too clumsy to pull them off. Big Man Jitsu is great but when it does not work and I need to fall back on pure technique it seems that if Plan A does not work I end up reverting to back to the same Plan A.
Many of the chokes and certain movements just feel very laboured to carry out or that when I do try them my size counts against me and the movement is too slow with too many gaps. Then I work on that and find that I bring the control and close the gaps but in doing so my own weight which is controlling my opponent counts against me and my ability to pull of what I want to do. Couple that with the fact that it feels like everyone I roll with is getting better and better and my general malaise is intensified.
Now do not take this as a moan or a whimper or even a white flag as it is none of these things it is just a statement of where I feel I am. I am well aware that I roll with an extremely talented team of individuals coached by a truly world class coach and that I will take some defeats, that however is not the issue. I keep pushing myself as hard as ever maybe even harder and yesterday I struggled to get out of bed in the morning I ached so much sadly it just does not seem to be getting me anywhere. The main problem is the fact that I feel I am not putting up as much of a fight or offering the threat that I used to be able too. That I am not giving my best and not for the want of trying, if it was purely effort I could push myself through it but it isn’t.
Maybe I need to be more serious which is something I struggle with, I enjoy rolling and I love the learning behind BJJ and the skill of the sport so I tend to approach things with fun at heart. It is a relief from a stressful job full of long hours and I relax when I get there, maybe just too much This could also be part of my downfall so I will make the effort to try and be more serious see if it focuses me better.
So what else am I going to do about it, well that is the thing I am not sure to be honest. I have made a concerted decision as of today to really look at my diet and I am only going to have the odd drink at most once a week as both diet and booze have slowed my weight loss to zero. I am sleeping very poorly after training and I need to work out what is causing this, apart from the usual aches and pains of course J.
As for rolling and the like I am not too sure, I think it may be a case of back to the drawing board to re learn some things and build up again talk to John and the more talented guys at class (most of them) who are always willing to help. So I guess it is a case of watch this space…..